Rambled Egg

What am I on about, dieting? Thats just pure laziness. I don't need to diet, I need to bloody exercise - gah. I'm so stuck in a rut, I cant honestly think of any time during the week in which I can exercise, or in fact, what exercise I could do. I've considered running, its got to be the cheapest, sport I can do, and anytime I like. But thats it, I need a regular routine if I'm going to do this, because "as and when" becomes "never and never." But then, theres no way I'm getting up any earlier in the morning *laughs* and when I get home from work, any sort of physical exertion is usually the last thing on my mind.

Thats it, I need to stop working in order to get my life back! Ok I need a get-rich-quick scheme, then I can live happily ever after!

Any suggestions gladly welcome! ;)

I might invent a non-rustling sweet wrapper, especially for use in cinemas?? Whaddya reck?

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I'm SO full up. I just had a huge lunch, I know I'll be falling asleep all afternoon now! I burnt the top of my mouth too, it "would heal if only I could stop tonguing it" - fight club, LOL. Its so true. So - cat update, I think now shes accepted me shes beginning to trust me and actually like me! Last night she came and sat on my knee, we're definitely getting somewhere.

I'm getting more urges to do art lately, I think I'll have to give in soon, I need to set aside some time to get back into it.

Time, I need more time!! Time for sleep, time for exercise (LOL), time for art, time for myself, time for God, time for Phil.... my list goes on and on...

I guess I need to just get organised (organised? whats that?) heh :P

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I'm almost falling asleep at my desk, I so desperately need a break. And I need to get in shape, but its hard when all I want to do is sleep. I'm seriously condidering the Atkins diet.

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Well, weekend was ok. On friday night I had to go to Phils cousins 21st birthday party (gah) it wasn't as bad as I expected, drinks kept appearing infront of me, which mad the evening pass quicker, always good! ;)

Had a bit of a lie in on on Saturday morning before waking up with a headache due to the previous evenings activities! So I got up to feed Betsy. (I'm warming to this cat :)) Went into town briefly in the afternoon to get supplies for my girlies. Hannah didn't come despite all our best efforts, so it was just Becky, Lauren and I. We had a really nice evening together watching 4 films (Shrek, Grease, About a Boy and Chicken Run - don't laugh!), drinking 4 bottles of wine (red and white), eating a LOT and mostly chatting. Its the first time we've been together like that (all girls) and it was nice, especially with Lauren being there. We cant talk about some of the stuff we did that night when there are males present.

The guys had a fun night too, even if they did only go to Rochdale (which in my opinion is a craphole) but, it was the Stag's choice! Apparently some drunk girl tried in on big time with Phil...grrr (if I'd have been there - she'd be dead)

Yesterday, I watched Monsters Inc after church whilst eating various left overs (my niece has some good dvds!) That night we took the church youth group for a walk around Dovestones reservoir. It rained, but that was ok (I had my cap ;) When it stopped it was beautiful, we saw a glorious, full, double rainbow, this combined with the warm glow of the low evening sun shining on the richly green hills cast a million colours in the water (I NEED A DIGITAL CAMERA!!!)

hmmm.... its my birthday soon...... ;)

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I played the drums so much last night my arms hurt, I sang so much that I lost my voice, great night! :) I got back quite early so I was able to have some quality time with Betsy. I think shes beginning to accept me (she walked over my lap! :D) She was settling down nicely on the sofa until Phil decided he wanted to stroke her, this was the first time she'd met him and he was a little over-confident, thus, winding her up. She eventually hid behind the tv again (gah!) and stayed there for half an hour after he'd left, despite my best efforts!

*For any of you that don't know, I should point out that Betsy is a CAT! Haha, I just read it back as if Betsy was a person LOL!

I think I figured out her morning problem. Ruth & Jess have guinea-pigs outside (thankfully they're in the kennels) so I imagine Ruth goes out every morning to feed them also. And of course, with me not doing this its a different routine... ;) aha. The poor things missing them like crazy :( I'm trying my best :)

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Hopefully on Saturday I'll be hosting a 'girls night in.' Wine, chocolate and ice cream all round baby! Our male aquaintances will all be out on a Stag night :( ah well, time for some girl fun....

Any suitable dvd's I can borrow? (or you can suggest! ;)

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For the next ten days I'll be staying at my sister in-laws house looking after her cat, Betsy. Now, I'm not in any way a cat person, so I'm a little scared shes gonna hate me and not eat or something. Fortunately, shes a 100% indoor cat, the relief when I discovered this was abundant. I was sure she'd run away, but she ain't goin nowhere! Tonight, my one intention is to make friends with the poor thing, for both our sakes.

I still have a slight phobia of cats (I can hear you laughing!) I think it comes from when I was a child. My idiot brother and his ex had a cat called Alf, now this was no ordinary cat, but is was my first true encounter with the said creature. Now Alf was, in my opinion, crazy. He would be playing with me one minute, and then jump up and try and scratch my eyes out the next. As he got older he got worse, I would dread going round there. But at this point in my life, I wasn't scared of cats, I was scared of Alf. That was until I went on holiday to Crete with my parents at the age of thirteen. Crete, is full, of cats. Stray cats, everywhere. They would come and beg for food as your eating your meal. I remember one day, we were dining, one brushed past my bare leg and I flipped, I couldnt stand it and ran inside crying.

I know what your thinking... "how are you going to cope??" but that was ten years ago. And since then, believe it or not, I have had a couple of pleasant meetings with felines, plus, Betsy is like 14 years old so she just sleeps most of the time (I think). I'm still no cat-lover, but I'll have to be, for now anyway!

I once heard that cats hate being stroked on their backs, does anyone know if this is true? I'd be glad to hear any kittie tips anyone has up their sleeves

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I was too spaced out to blog yesterday...sorry!

So, weekend...

After I recovered from my hangover on friday (see below) it was decided by others to pub it... again! More beer was drank... again, and it was an all round good night, until Martin put his halo on and started ranting about gay people (right next to graham). He's so insensitive, drunk or not, its no excuse. Graham drove home on his own and when we came outside I asked Phil exactly what it was he said (he wouldn't tell me inside). I got incredibly annoyed and as soon as I got Martin alone I tore him to pieces. Its an issue I feel quite strongly about and he had no right to say those things, let alone infront of Graham (who he knows is gay) Fortunately (and for a change) Phil agreed with me and backed me up.

Saturday I woke up with another hangover, and in a grump. Lazed around all day and then yep, you guessed it, its back to the pub we trot. Except this time without Martin, he was "tired" (yeah right). Another good night.

Sunday morning there was a dedication service at church. I led the worship group and couldnt help being distracted by some of the people in the visiting family. Some of the teenagers were acting like idiots, taking the mickey, and generally being offensive to us regulars. But worse than that some of the adults too, laughing at us, looking at us like a bunch of freaks. They talked all the way through Joans sermon. People don't understand how hard is to be a Christian. For people to come into your church and basically mock you, your beliefs, and the whole church; and then at the end of the day still smile, and say "Bye, bye!" cheerily. When you really feel like saying something very different.

Only the other day I heard on tv a guy saying religion is only for "weak people" who cant accept that "this is all there is," and need something to cling onto. In fact, its the opposite. I invite him to try for a day, professing your faith to your work colleagues, when you know by doing this, you'll become an "outcast" a "weirdo." No, weak people are the ones that follow the crowd, to be accepted, to be loved by others. Weak people are the ones who let themselves be moulded by "society" to fit in. I don't claim to be a strong person though, my strength, I believe, comes from God. I don't want to "fit in" with these people, I'd rather stand up for what I believe to be true, and that is not for the weakhearted.

Wow, I got SO wound up just then! Feels good to get that out of my system.

***Expects probing questions, and attempts to trip me up....***

Ok, to save you asking it, I'll answer it first...

If your a Christian how come you get drunk all the time?

I've often wondered this myself, its wrong, I know. I dont believe there's anything wrong with drinking alcohol, after all Jesus like a tipple himself! But getting drunk is wrong, yes. I must stress that I never go out to intentionally get drunk, theres a difference. Admittedly this is an issue I've been struggling with lately, the thing is, I like beer a lot. I love it. It tastes amazing. And like anything, if you like it, you tend to have it a lot. I try to stop drinking when I know I've had enough, I do. But there is always the odd time when I get carried away and end up bladdered. I always regret it, and always think, never again... but I'm not perfect (I know thats no excuse) its something I fight with every week.

Ok rant over, time to eat this apple thats staring at me...

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Hungover.... ugh!

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Theres a mad Scottish woman on the loose somewhere in Great Britain and she wants my blood.

I've not yet received the phonecall of death.

I sit here, waiting, for the end.

I love you all.

Egg.

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Yeah, so, he apologised. We made up blah blah blah... I'm slowly becoming happy again....

Its still too hot, and I still have work (gurgh) but hey, I'm halfway to weekend, lol.

I just bought a 'Yorkie' its says its 'not for girls' HAH! Looky here > *chomp chomp chomp* not for girls eh?? *chomp chomp...* mmmmm

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Where do I begin?

Ok, from a very young age (well forever) I've been 'the quiet one,' shyness has affected me as long as I can remember, its in my blood. Going to university really has helped bring me out of my shell, but I'd still describe myself as a little quiet. Next, I'll have been with Phil for three years in August, but I still don't feel comfortable or relaxed with his parents. I wouldn't say I see them that often, we've never been out together as a group, the only meal I have there is at Christmas. So really I only see them when I'm passing through for like, 5 minutes. After three years this sounds ridiculous, but I'd still say I dont know them properly. He, on the other hand, comes for dinner with my parents and I every weekend, plus he's more talkative than I am anyway.

Anyway, last night he decides to tell me how he's upset about this and thinks I should make more of an effort. He has NO IDEA how much I've tried with them. How much I've tried to fit in. I find it really hard, maybe fear of rejection is to blame. But its more than that, its like he's tring to change who I am, and that pisses me off no end. These days it seems he only tells me what he thinks is wrong with me "you drink too much" "you're too moody" etc etc etc... I thought boyfriends were supposed to encourage? I hate being shy, always have. But my mother was shy, her mother was shy..... maybe hers was too.

I can't help thinking I'm being compared to his last girlfriend, who as it happens, could talk for England.

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@#&%!!!

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Can I manage another day? Another day filled with a stack of jobs growing faster then I am able to do them. This, inbetween answering the phone to customers who ask the same questions every-single-day. *sigh* At least I'll have the office to myself from 2.30. And I can scive, scive, scive. After all, I will have done my 35 hours.... 31 minutes and I'll be 80% there.

Thursday night = pub night. Although I do have to drive tomorrow morning so I'd better take it easy. Last night I had a bottle of red, and half a tub of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food.... yum. A good combo for the mood I'm in lately.

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Dear Customer,

I'm glad you've chosen to use our product, so that your money can go straight into the MD's pocket, but I dont know what colour you want to use. I dont know which colour YOUR customer would prefer, so why ask ME to tell you? PLEASE stop faxing me over and over again asking the same question, its a waste of paper, and I'm never going to reply. YOU decide what colour you use, its YOUR floor, I dont care, and I will NOT lose sleep about it. Use YOUR brain, I'm sure you must have one somewhere, if you can use a fax machine.

JUST PICK ONE!

Caroline

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My boss isn't going to be in all week, he has a 'virus.' I just LOVE doing two peoples jobs, and getting paid peanuts for it!

GRRRR......

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Its not just one of those days, its one of those weeks. Theres so many things not right at the moment, things that have annoyed me. But as usual, I've kept it all inside until it builds up so much that I can no longer contain it. So out it came, last night, unfortunately Phil was on the receiving end. He is so forgiving and we had a long chat about all of these 'things,' but it hasn't made me feel any better. They're all still there, niggling away in the back of my mind. I cant see a way round them, which isn't very nice. My eyes are swollen and sore, why am I so emotional? I feel weak. Lately I've been reminding myself of my brother, when I look in the mirror I see his face, when I snap at my Dad I hear his voice. I always wondered why he was so nasty to him, now I know perfectly well. I'm now nearly as old as was then, I go to the same pub he did, I drink the same beer, I sleep in his bedroom....

I don't need to be at work today.

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Its one of those days, everythings crap. All I want to do is be alone. I need some serious cheering up. I can feel a binge coming on...

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Not a bad weekend at all, Alton Towers as expected, was fantastic. Camping was so so, filled mostly by killing midgies. I arrive home however, to discover theres been, yet more fighting on my street. Cheryl said she saw it all, a group of about 25 white lads beating the shit out of some poor asian guy in the street. As she drove up the group dispersed and they called an ambulance. She said the bloke was fitting and had blood pouring from his head (which to my horror is still visible on the white line in the road.) The whole area was apparently taped off for a while, which makes me wonder whether or not its a murder enquiry. I'm sick of all this crap and I want to move out.

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I didn't faint, you'll be glad to know. And I felt much better with some beer inside me last night! It'll have to last me until Sunday night so I made sure I had enough to keep me going! ;) Bumped into my old next-door neighbour, Ste, last night in the pub, with all his friends that he used to hang around with. They were always a dodgy lot, forever getting into trouble with the police etc etc... but I suppose they were all quite good with me when my brother died, especially Daniel who I hardly ever talk to, so it was nice to see them.

I've got that friday feeling today... it being friday and all. lol. Only 1 hour and 21 minutes to go!

Weekends are good, even when you don't get a lie in on Saturday morning :(

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Oh crap, I keep feeling like I'm going to faint......

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you don't remember me but I remember you
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
but who can decide what they dream?
and dream i do...

I look in the mirror and see your face
if I look deep enough
so many things inside that are just like you are taking over

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Hah... guess where I just went for lunch?! I've been to the 'chippy'! I had pudding, chips and curry, and now I'm stuffed.

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Many, many, many thanks to Dev for setting up my comments and groovy egg colours *smooch*

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Well, I'm supposed to be going camping this weekend, supervising some girls doing a training expedition for their D of E. Its been organised for ages and apparently last night two of them rang up the guy who's arranged it all to say they can't go... (grrr) I dont think they have a clue how hard it is to find a weekend in summer where everyone's free. Ah well, it would be nice to have a relaxing weekend I suppose, and be able to sleep in my own bed. Especially after last weekend.

Lately I've been wanting do some art again. I miss it a lot sometimes. I just never seem to be able to find time these days. I should do some exercise too, although my gym membership has expired now (good excuse eh?) beer + no exercise + sitting on my backside all day at work = weight gainage (not good). I remember when I was a wee lassie of about 12 years old (when I did kungfu) thinking "I'll never be overweight, and if I even start to become that way, it'd be gone in no time" oh how I was wrong.

Work, why do we work, its crap. Its taken over my life, I cant think about anything else, or do anything else I'm too tired from work. Each week I have to go through a certain process. Just when I've finished the weeks process, it starts all over again too soon.

If I didnt work, I'd do art, I'd learn to play the guitar properly, I'd play my drums, I'd READ for goodness sake. I never read. And you know what else... I'd tidy the cesspit that is my room!

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