Rambled Egg

I am talking to myself now.........

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I didn’t do much at the weekend really, it was nice to have a nearly-full group out again on Saturday. And on Sunday night Martin graced us with his presence and his new lady friend, Wendy. We don’t see him much these days so that was cool. We visited the chip shop for the third week in a row, its just too tempting. I had a nice portion of chips and curry then we all went to Graham’s to play with his teddies (seriously) and Damian read us a bedtime story.

I spent most of yesterday trying to round up the troops to go for a meal sometime this week, but not everyone could be free on the same night. So we’re going to compromise and go out twice instead! Wednesday night and Friday night, yay! I’m having an overdue haircut on Friday too, I can’t wait it really needs doing.

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I think my cough is finally starting to leave me.. although I think I must have pulled a muscle in my side from it. Its so sore, I imagine this is how it feels to have a broken rib. I'm feeling a little less glum today, still totally mixed up though.

This weekend should be good, Damian, Becky, Ady and Rach are all coming home. Don't know what the plan is yet but it'll be good to see them all again. It'll help me take my made off stuff for a while at least. That'll be a relief.

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Oh shit.. here we go again. Heres an extract from an email I sent to Lauren..

"I've been having major guilt pangs again and have been seeking advice and opinions from various sources (my friend Ali, who I wrote to, I emailed a few people and have been searching the net etc etc..) and I've come to the conclusion that something needs to change. I can't carry on like this.

The more I think about it the more I think it'd be best if I split up with Phil. I'd be lying if I said you have nothing to do with it, you know it does. But I know you can't commit to me and stuff so don't panic! But even so it seems, I can't commit to Phil and I'm being unfair to him. There are other reasons too, I've always primarily liked girls, and as far as I can tell I always will.

Phil deserves to be with someone who loves him completely and who he satisfies, I can't see him completely satifying me. But then theres other reasons that I don't want to lose him. But they're all huge, but selfish reasons...

I can't see myself ever falling for another man, therefore maybe Phil is my only chance of having a 'normal' life and having kids etc.. but thats not putting Phils interests first is it? The other thing I've been thinking is... thats my parents only chance to have grandkids (stupid I know) But I know thats what they're hoping for 'cause of my brother dying and all that.

I'm also scared of the change, I've been with him so long he's like part of the furniture, hes my companion, as you know I see him every day. And yeah, I'll be lonely. What will everyone else think, what will be the reason we spilt up if people ask? Am I ready for everyone to know about my sexuality? So all this stuff's been going round in this brain of mine and the only person I can talk to properly is you... sorry.

Don't be thinking its your fault (sounds familiar this). And I'm in no rush to do anything, I don't want to to be honest. When is the right time to dump someone? Tonight? Before we book a holiday? Before or after Christmas? Anyway... this is something which I have to decide for myself. I just needed to vent. "


We were just chatting online and she tells me she's been meaning to tell me for a while that she wants children when shes older, and can't push it to the side. She thinks we should "just be friends" and that I should give Phil another go.

I need to get drunk.

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Illness of the week: Cough

My little cough that I caught from Bangor has developed into a sore, cough-every-two-seconds type thing combined with the start of a cold. Theres a lot of crap on my chest which I keep coughing up - lovely.

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I got home from work on tuesday night, had some tea and then went to bed. My tea came back not long afterwards and I proceeded to throw up for the duration of the evening. Needless to say, I took the day off yesterday. No longer do ill folk have to suffer the torture of daytime TV, thanks to the gift of dvd and Sky Movies! I watched Kill Bill, then caught the end of Harry Potter & The Chamber of Secrets, then M.I.B. 2. Its not so bad being ill! I didn't eat anything all day until teatime. I felt much better that evening and Phil took me for a short drive to get some fresh air.

I think my boss must be the carrier of the bug as his wife is off work today with the same symptoms, his little girl has had it too.

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Yay! I had a great weekend! Had a bit of a bad journey over there though. I set off at about 3.50pm and didn't arrive until coming up to 7. I was stuck in a jam for over an hour which wasn't fun. I must admit I used my phone whilst driving a few times to let Lauren know where I was. I normally curse people who do that, but it was a straight road. I won't be making a habit of it. Laurens friends seem friendly enough, she gets on well with them which I'm glad about. We caught taxis into the centre and started off in an Irish bar, theres a lot of irish students at Bangor. Then we went somewhere else for shots. Then headed to the club. It was a good night, everyone got quite drunk. (I can't remember going back to the campus.)

We eventually got up on saturday with steaming hangovers. Once I was able to drive again we went over to Llanberis and then to Caernarfon Castle. It was a lovely day, Caernarfon was very quiet as the whole of the welsh population were watching the England v Wales match. England won 2-0 but I had to contain my glee, obviously, to avoid getting battered! We headed back into Bangor to find somewhere to eat which wasn't easy. Most places were full of rowdy, drunk Welsh folk. We eventually found a little place which was pretty nice. That evening we went to another club which was at the student's union. It was alright, but I got far too drunk and ended up in a state.

On sunday we didn't get up until 2pm. Monster hangover. We walked over to Anglesey, the extreme wind going over the Menai bridge blew a few cobwebs away. We had sunday lunch in a nice little pub just over the bridge and then went for a stroll. By the time we came back it was 5pm so I packed my stuff and set off home about 5.45pm. It was a much better journey home, 2 hours. Then I ended up going to the pub and drinkin 2 pints which went straight to my head. I feel a bit rough this morning!

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Well, I'm off to Bangor this afternoon. I can't wait. I spoke to Lauren last night and apparently her friends are planning tonight to be an all-nighter! Eeek, I hope I can keep up with these young things. In my defence, I have been at work all week and everyone else well.. they're students!

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I had to go to Lauren’s last night, her mum called me and asked if I could pick up some stuff to take over on Friday, including a birthday cake from Costco. I had visions of her handing me this huge cake cause usually stuff from Costco well, is normally pretty huge! But I needn't have worried, it turned out to be a nice, normal-sized one. I’ll have to be careful driving over there, no sudden breaking! (Splat)

This week I have bought three new CD’s *shakes head.* I’ll have to buy another CD holder soon! For the record (no pun intended) I got Joss Stone’s new one, The Chili’s live at Hyde Park, and Franz Ferdinand, great stuff. I do need some new tapes for in the car though. Such a pain recording tapes these days, I did a couple last night, in preparation for my ‘probably soon-to-be-frequent’ journey/ie’s’

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I am a sneaky egg.

On thursday night, for a laugh, I thought I'd wind Phil up by pretending I'd had the top of my ear pierced and wearing my fake earring there. He told me off a bit etc but I kept the joke going on friday night too. Then I thought, I might as well just go and get it done properly now! So I did, I got up early on saturday and sneaked into Manchester to get it done.

I've had it done before but last time they used a gun, it hurt like hell and I had to take it out. This time the guy used a needle so it wasn't so bad. Lovely.

I was home for lunchtime and Phil was surprised to find that I was up, dressed, fed and ready to go (if only he knew hehe.) That afternoon we went over to Castleford to do some shopping. I got myself a snazzy new waterproof coat. That evening we watched Ocean's Eleven and drank beer.

Sunday: Church, dozed all afternoon, more church, watched Brassed Off and drank beer.

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